When Halitosis Comes In Handy
I thought “chatty kathy” was just an expression. Until I met her. She threw me off the trail and introduced herself as Gail, but I was on to her. During our four hour flight from Columbus to Phoenix, I made two observations:
- She was the proverbial Chatty Kathy–the one after which all others are named.
- Kathy can flap herself some lip.
I just wanted to read my book about Anne Lammot’s life, and instead I heard all about Kathy’s. I lifted my book between us, stared at page twenty-two, interrupted her. Tried again. Made up tunes in my head to go with Bird by Bird. Mounds of peanut crumbs gathered in the fold between page twenty-one and twenty-two. Kathy and I were still chatting.
There was another problem.
I had a nasty case of halitosis. Determined to spare Kathy my poisonous breath, I spoke at funny angles. But at the turn of the second hour, I converted my handicap into a weapon. I literally got long-winded, leaned in, and spewed clouds of bad breath onto Kathy’s face. Not a minute later Kathy said, “Well, I’ll let you get back to your reading.”
I was pleased as punch. Snug and smug. I used a problem (bad breath) to solve another problem (chatty Kathy). I figured I’d just keep halitosis around. Now back to Lamott.
But it got me thinking, still stuck on page twenty-two. Sometimes problems come in handy. I’m talking about serious problems.
Busyness
Busyness sabotages life; but it comes in handy when I’m too chicken to do more meaningful things.
Inferiority
Inferiority destroys esteem; but it comes in handy when failure needs justified.
Ignorance
Ignorance cosigns injustice; but it comes in handy when living justly inconveniences me.
Passivity
Passivity paralyzes progress; but it comes in handy when tomorrow’s prosperity cost today’s pleasures.
Indecision
Indecision deflects responsibility; but it comes in handy when I’m too cowardly to make an unpopular, right choice.
There’s a common theme. Problems come in handy whenever I face resistance to change my life. Maybe that’s why I keep problems around. If I can’t overcome my obstacles, I turn them into excuses. And here’s the thing about excuses. Excuses let us off the hook, but hurdles let us to jump over them. I have to remind myself, “Derek, stop calling excuses what victors call hurdles.” Is your problem an excuse or a hurdle?
